


Your Touch

by Badkenma_Goodkarma



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 10:33:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18737287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Badkenma_Goodkarma/pseuds/Badkenma_Goodkarma
Summary: Kuroo's been secretly crushing on Bokuto for years. When Bokuto suggests experimenting in their first year of college to see if they're Bi, he agrees. The only problem is trying to tell Bokuto that he wants to be more than friends with benefits.





	Your Touch

**Author's Note:**

> I keep posting this and then deleting immediately. I'm kind of embarrassed to have written something like this, but smut is always fun soo.. I'm just going to post this and then log off for a while so I don't get anxious again and delete it lol.

Everyone told me college would be amazing. The best four years of years of my life. Maybe five, if I had too much fun and failed some classes. The tips they gave me were the standard: don’t drink too much, wear condoms, study first and party after, etc. It was all the same. Great advice, really. What no one ever told me, though, was to avoid falling in love with your best friend.

Our last year of high school, we had everything planned out. We would live in the same dorm, take the same general ed classes, and be on the same college volleyball team. Bokuto was excited, which meant I was excited. Kenma couldn’t care less what happened, as long as my dorm room was available for him to hide out in when he wanted to avoid practice.

Bokuto got his acceptance letter first. A full sports scholarship, which was unsurprising. Mine came a week later. No sports scholarship, also unsurprising. I was good, but not Bokuto-level good. What did come as a shock was not being able to play at all. Kenma accompanied me to the school so I could talk to the coach about being on the team, and was shut down almost immediately. Apparently they had more than enough players. A school further north scouted me, and although I was interested, I declined. I never planned to go professional, this was always something fun to do, but not my entire future. I would be okay with giving up volleyball if it meant being able to stay with Bokuto. 

First month of university life was more than I could hope. Bokuto and I still hung out a lot, but I knew he was having trouble with his new team. Without Akaashi or me to help out his moods, the coach ended up benching him his first game. It was rough that night. I laid behind him, combing my fingers through his hair until he fell asleep. Bokuto’s hair always fascinated me, but I never got the chance to experience first-hand what it’s like. He shifted and I pulled back. I tried to extract myself from his bed without waking him up, but failed. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back down. 

“Tetsu, can you hold me a bit longer?”

I nodded and curled myself against him, holding tight as he fell back asleep. 

 

 

“Hey, Kuroo.”

“Yeah?”

“There are two guys on my team, who are in a relationship… with each other.”

I looked up from my spot on the bed. He was sitting in his desk chair, looking out the window.

“Okay?”

“Do you think that’s weird?”

“Not really… some people like guys, some like girls, some like both.”

“How do you know?”

“Um, experimentation? I guess just wait until you think someone is hot and make out with them or have sex.”

“Hey, Kuroo?”

I sighed, “Yes, Bo?”

“Do you want to experiment?”

I sat straight up to see if he was being serious. He had turned away from the window and was staring at me. He hadn’t shaped his hair after his shower, so it was hanging down around his face.

Of course, I thought Bo was beautiful. I mean, who wouldn’t? I never let myself think about him like that though. That was very dangerous territory.

He shifted in the chair. “We don’t have to. I was just curious. Have you ever been with a guy?”

I shook my head.

“Hey Bo… I wouldn’t mind. experimenting.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I mean why not? We’re in college. This is what college is for.”

He smiled and jumped up, “I know, right?! This will be a lot of fun!”

He jumped on the bed next to me and I sat up to face him. We crossed our legs, so our knees were touching. We stared at each other and I laughed to hide how nervous I was.

“This was your idea, Bo. You have to make the first move.”

I saw his throat move, and then his left hand came up to touch my jaw. His fingertips ran softly along the edge, all the way up and then back down to my chin. I bit my lip and saw his eyes shift towards them. He put his right palm on my knee and ran his hand up my thigh. It stopped at my hip and the hand that was touching my chin moved to the side of my neck, and his thumb pressed into the underside of my jaw to tilt my head up.

He raised himself onto his knees and leaned over, pressing his lips softly to mine. I had imagined this moment in my dreams. I always felt guilty after, because Bokuto is my best friend, but when I touched myself, his face is what comes to mind, right before I come.

He pulled back a bit, “Is it okay, so far?”

I nodded and grabbed his shoulders, pulling him back to me. His lips were back against mine and I wasted no time in deepening the kiss. I felt his tongue in my mouth, at the same time the hand on my hip pushed me so I was rolling back to lay flat on my bed. He followed the movement, lips never leaving mine. We uncrossed our legs and I spread mine a little so he get put one thigh between them. He moved his thigh, pressing up into me and I broke the kiss, moaning. His mouth moved down my jaw line and onto my neck. His hands had moved and were now grabbing the waistband of my sweats. He lifted his head to look at me. His lips were red and puffy, and his name was the only thing occupying my mind.

“Tetsu, I don’t have any lube, but do you wanna maybe do some other stuff?” He tugged at my waistband and my brain short circuited. All of the feelings that I had been suppressing the past couple years surged forward. The need to be with Bokuto consumed me, and I reached for the bottom of his shirt, pulling it up.

“Take off your clothes.”

While he jumped up to comply, I took off my own shirt, and then lifted my hips to slide my sweatpants down. I wasn’t wearing any underwear, and when I looked back over to Bokuto, he was already naked. He came back over and got on the bed. He stood on his knees, between my legs and I started to feel self-conscious. I had never been with another guy before, and it felt weird, to be spread out before someone like this. He rested both hands on the tops of my feet, and then slowly ran his hands up my legs, pausing when he got to the top of my kneecaps. He stared at my face as his hands lowered to the inside of my thighs, pushing them further apart and up slightly. He tightened his grip on my inner thighs and I couldn’t believe how much that simple touch turned me on. He raised one hand towards my face and brought three fingers to my mouth.

“Suck them.”

The minute I parted my lips, all three digits were pushed into my mouth and I licked them, wrapping my tongue around each one. It wasn’t long before he was removing his fingers from my mouth and then his other hand moved from my thigh to my hip, nudging me.

“Flip over, onto your stomach. Keep your head down, but raise your hips.”

My legs were trembling slightly, as I turned over and raised myself onto my knees, keeping my chest against the mattress. I felt one of his fingers slowly push inside me. I gasped and shoved my face deeper into the mattress. It felt weird, but in a good way. I heard him spit, and then his wet hand circled the base of my dick. He slowly stroked upwards, his hand pausing so his thumb could brush over the head. I moaned loudly before clamping my lips shut. The last thing I needed was for the RA to knock on my door for a noise complaint.

A second finger pushed in alongside the first, and the hand on my dick started stroking slowly while he curled his fingers a bit. I felt the heat build along my spine and my thighs started to shake. I lifted my head to gasp for breath.

“Bo, please go faster, please. Please.”

I felt him add a third finger and the hand on my dick stroked faster. “Oh, God. Please, please… Bo I’m gonna, I need-”

His fingers pressed against something inside me that made my hips jerk and intense pleasure spread through my body. I came a second later, over Bokuto’s hand and on the mattress. I fell onto my side and closed my eyes. That was the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had. It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced and I had a slight feeling that it had a lot to do with who I was with. I felt Bokuto run his hand along my hip and up my side.

“How was that?”

I looked over at him and then lowered my eyes to his dick, which was still hard. I slowly sat up, and instead of answering him, I pushed him, so he was the one lying down. I kneeled between his legs, putting one hand on his hip, to hold him down, and used the other to gently cup his balls as I licked a path from the base of his dick to the head. His hips jerked up and I slid the hand on his hip to the middle of his lower abdomen, right above my head. I wrapped my mouth around the tip and sucked a little. I heard his breathy moan and it made my stomach clench.

I’ve never given head before, and I wasn’t exactly sure how I was suppose to cover his _entire_ dick with my mouth. I relaxed my jaw and slid down as far as I could before making my way back up. I squeeze his balls gently before bringing that hand up to circle the base of his dick. I used the saliva as lube and stroked in time with my bobbing head, using my hand to get what my mouth couldn’t. I heard his breathing quicken and his hands grabbed the back of my head. It was kind of hot to have him push my head down. I loosened my jaw even more and took his dick in as much as I could before swallowing. He let out a hoarse yell, and then he was coming down my throat. I choked a little, before pulling back slightly to swallow.

Wiping the back of my hand across my mouth, I sat up as he lifted himself on his elbows.

“Kuroo, I’m so sorry! I haven’t hooked up with anyone in a while and I didn’t mean to come in your mouth, I’m sorry!”

I didn’t care about that, but I was disappointed at the fact that I was back to being called ‘kuroo’. I push him back down and laid next to him, with my head on his chest and an arm around his waist.

“Dont’t worry about it, Bo. I didn’t mind.”

“Okay good. Man, that was awesome! I think I might like guys too, because that was one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had! Thanks for experimenting with me Kuroo, it really helped.” He brought the arm that was laying under my body around my waist, squeezing me to his chest. My throat felt tight and my eyes started to ache. I was so stupid. I honestly don’t know what I thought was going to happen. That Bokuto would finger me and realize he had been in love with me this whole time? That was dumb. And I was dumb for letting a kiss turn into so much more. His body relaxed as he succumbed to sleep, and as soon as I knew he wouldn’t wake back up, I let the tears fall.

 

 

“Kuro, you’re an idiot.” I groaned and opened my door wider to let Kenma in. He walked straight to my bed and laid down. I texted him two days ago, telling him about the incident. He said I was an idiot then too.

“I know, I shouldn’t have slept with him-“

“No, you’re an idiot because you haven’t told him how you truly feel.”

I froze. No one knew about my crush on Bokuto. Not even Kenma.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Kuro, I’m your best friend of fifteen years. I’m not an idiot, I know you like him. A lot more than you should. I also know that there’s a chance Bokuto might feel the same way.”

“He doesn’t… the other night, he thanked me for ‘experimenting’ with him, and then hasn’t mentioned it. At all.”

“Why does he have to be the one to say something first? You’re a big boy, take the initiative.”

Kenma took out his phone, signaling the end to the conversation. I walked over and laid on the bed next to him. I guess he was right, I mean, Bo obviously liked what we did, so maybe he wouldn’t be opposed to going on a date with me.

 

 

Kenma left the next morning. I could tell Bo was relieved, which was weird. I always thought they got along, but when he stepped into the dorm last night and saw Kenma on my bed, he got really tense. He didn’t say much, just sat at his desk, doing homework.

When the door clicked shut, I looked over at him. I wasn’t sure how to approach this, or if it was even a good idea to start something.

“Hey Bo, what we did the other day… I really liked it, and-“

“Hey hey! Me too! Did you like it enough to go further?”

“Further?”

“Yeah, I talked to those guys on the team! They gave me tips and I went out to get supplies.”

My mouth went dry. So, Bokuto was definitely into having sex with a man. _With me_.

Should I really be doing this? Hell no. Not while I was still hiding my feelings. Was I going to? Fuck yes. At least then, if everything blew up in my face, I could have this memory.

“Okay.”

“Okay?! You wanna? Right now?!”

He bounced a little on his bed and I nodded. He jumped up and ran to his drawer, getting out lube and condoms. I smiled at his enthusiasm. I had a feeling I was going to be the one on the bottom, and with anyone else I think I’d have a problem with that, but I wanted Bokuto inside me. I wanted to know what it felt like for him to fill me.

He walked over to my bed, tossing the lube and strip of condoms next to me. He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head.

“Do you want me to undress you?”

I shook my head and stood up so I could strip. When we were both naked, standing next to my bed and staring at each other. I couldn’t help but laugh.

He cracked a smile. “This got kind of awkward, huh?”

He reached for my hand and I squeezed his fingers.

“Maybe we should lay down and make out for a while, first?”

We climbed into bed, laying on our sides, facing each other. I think he saw the nervousness on my face, because he made the first move. Reaching out his hand, he pushed the hair back from my eyes and leaned in. The kiss was soft at first. A few pecks and then he lingered with his lips pressed against mine. He shifted closer, so our chests were touching, and I parted my lips to deepen the kiss. I felt his tongue in my mouth, as the hand that was in my hair slid down to my waist and pushed me gently, to roll me on my back. He followed the movement and pushed his legs between mine. His other hand went to my ass, to lift me up slightly as he rolled his hips against mine.

I broke the kiss with a moan, and he leaned back to grab the lube next to us. After a few seconds, he was back to kissing me, pushing his tongue in my mouth as his finger made it’s way inside me. It felt better than the first time; not as foreign. He pushed in a second finger as his other hand slid down to stroke me slowly.

I broke the kiss again and pressed the back of my hand to my mouth, to suppress the sounds that wanted to break free. Bokuto kissed down my neck and onto my shoulder. He gently pushed in a third finger and stilled.

“Is this okay, do you feel good?”

I nodded and lifted my hips. He continued, spreading his fingers a bit, and then the hand stroking me stopped. My thighs were still trembling, and I watched as he sat back on his heels. He reached behind him to tear off one of the condoms and then after covering himself, spread more lube over his dick. He wiped his hands on the sheets and then moved them under my hips, to lift me.

“Ready?’

I nodded and reached up to grab his shoulders. He leaned over slightly, and then he was pushing inside me.

I always imagined what it would be like to have sex with Bokuto. I never imagined this. How slow he would go, stopping to ask if I was okay. He moved one of his hands to stroke my hip and leaned down to kiss me.

“I’m all the way in, let me know when you want me to move.”

“You can move. I’m good, I promise.” I shifted my hips a bit higher and he pulled his back a little to give a shallow thrust, testing to see if I was okay. I nodded and his hips pulled back farther. His thrusts became less gentle, and he pushed against that spot inside me that made my body heat with pleasure. His hand came down to stroke me and I dug my fingers into his shoulders. He grunted and thrust harder and when he hit that same spot, I felt the heat make its way up my spine as I came. I yelled out and he buried his face in my shoulder as he followed. We stayed like that for about a minute, before he rolled away, on his back beside me. 

“That was a lot of fun, thanks Kuroo. Let me know if you ever want to try some more stuff out, yeah?” He smiled at me and got up to tie off the condom and throw it away. My chest felt hollow and I stared at the ceiling. 

 

 

I didn’t tell Kenma. I wanted to, but I already knew what he would say.

I never told Bokuto about my feelings.The days passed and after a game, which they lost, he came back in one of his dejected moods. I wanted to make him feel better, so I did the only thing that I knew would take his mind off it. I pushed him against the door and got to my knees. His moans filled the room and his hands dug in my hair as he thrust into my mouth. He tried to pull out when he was close, but I took him in further and swallowed it all. He cuddled me that night and told me I was his best friend as he fell asleep. I laid awake and told myself I wasn’t going to cry anymore.

 

 

It was my own fault. Bokuto and I slept together every three days or so, and I never once told him that this meant more to me than a ‘friends with benefits’ situation. I had no one to blame but myself, and yet I couldn’t stop. Not until I was walking across the quad to meet him for lunch and saw him talking to one of his teammates. The other man was tall with brown hair. He was beautiful and Bokuto laughed as he leaned in to tuck a hair behind his ears. The other man nodded and then gave him a hug. I had stopped walking, and all I could do was stare. I felt nauseous. I knew Bokuto thought he liked guys now too, but I never thought he would go out and date one. Not when I was here, with him. It solidified the fact that he was never going to be with me. I spent the past three weeks sleeping with him, hoping he would fall for me too, and instead he was with another guy.

I turned and ran in the opposite direction, towards the library. I felt numb, like I wasn’t truly here. When I got inside the library, I went straight into the bathroom. The first thing I did was text Bo, letting him know I had to talk to a professor and couldn’t meet up for lunch. The next thing I did was call kenma. I started crying the minute I heard his voice.

 

 

I didn’t go back to the dorm that night. I took the train to where Kenma lived. It only took about half an hour, but every moment that passed felt like a year. Bokuto tried calling me, but I didn’t answer. I spend the night with Kenma, watching him play video games. I missed class the next day, and the day after. Bokuto stopped calling after he left his seventeenth voicemail.

I should have been happy.

I cried harder.

 

 

After two days, I went back to school. I already had the form to transfer dorm rooms. I was going to tell Bokuto that I couldn’t watch him date other people, and that after a few months I would be okay and we could hang out again, but for right now, I needed to be on my own.

I stepped into the dorm and Bokuto looked over from his desk. His eyes widened and he jumped up, running over to hug me.

“Are you okay?! I was so worried! I even tried calling Kenma, but he wouldn’t answer either!”

He pulled back and I saw the dark circles under his eyes. I felt guilt build in my stomach. Bokuto was my best friend and I shouldn’t have ignored him. It wasn’t fair. None of this was his fault.

I pulled away and walked over to my bed, dropping my backpack and transfer papers. When I turned around, Bokuto was right there, still looking worried. His hair was finger combed away from his face, and I had the immense urge to tell him that I loved him. Instead I took his face in my hands and kissed him. It was gentle, and unlike the previous encounters we’ve been having lately. Our sex had been getting rougher, more hurried, like we thought it would be the last time. Today though, I _knew_ it would be the last time, so I took it slow. We undressed each other and I kissed my way down his body, taking him in my mouth. He pushed me off when he was about to come and moved us to the bed. He flipped me over with my hips raised, to steadily stroke me as he pushed his tongue inside my body.

I was drenched in sweat by the time he had me stretched open. He reached for the condoms in his drawer, but I flipped over on my back and grabbed his hand.

“I want to feel you this time, is that okay?”

“Yeah of course, do you want me to pull out then?”

“No.” I shook my head and reached down to grab his hips, pulling him closer. He inched his away inside me, and when he paused to let me adjust, I pushed him so he rolled over. He wrapped his arms around my waist to bring me with him. I sat up and put a hand on his thigh to help balance me as I slowly rose and sank back down. I rode him at a steady pace until his breathing started to get uneven and his hands tightened on my hips. I leaned forward to kiss him, and his hand wrapped around me, stroking me. He came first, but I followed shortly after. I laid on his chest and listened to his breathing. It was calming, and I was glad that I let myself have this.

I got up and went to my side of the room to grab a toweland wrap it around my waist. I pulled out some clothes from the closet, and snatched my backpack off the bed.

Bokuto raised himself onto his elbows to watch me.

“Hey, Kuroo, why don’t we sleep for a bit?”

I looked over at him and smiled softly.

“I’m sorry Bokuto, I can’t do this anymore. This was never an experimentation for me, because I’ve wanted to be with you from the moment we met. I don’t blame you for anything, but I can’t watch you date other people. It hurts, a lot, and after it stops I’ll come back. Until then though, I asked for a transfer to another dorm. Please don’t contact me… I’m sorry.”

I walked out of the room and towards the bathroom to wash myself, trying to forget the look of pure shock on his face.

 

 

I managed to avoid Bokuto for four days. It helped that I knew his entire schedule. I went to the dorm when he was at volleyball practice and stayed at the library when he wasn’t. I slept at Kenma’s and rode the train to school. It was a hassle, but only temporary. I had forgotten the transfer papers when I left Bokuto, and by the time I snuck back in after he left, they were no longer there. I couldn’t bring myself to get a new form just yet; I don’t know what I was waiting for.

That’s a lie. I was hoping Bokuto would call me and tell me that realized he had feelings for me and wanted us to be together.

He never called, and every day that passed made it agonizingly obvious that I was the only one with romantic feelings.

On day five I was walking down the hall to our dorm room, I knew that Bokuto had class right now, and I needed to grab some new clothes and shower. I was a few feet away when the door to my room opened and a guy stepped out. The same guy from the other day. The one that Bokuto was flirting with. He turned to me and stopped. We stared at each other until the door opened again, six seconds later. Bokuto leaned out, holding a scarf in his hand.

“Don’t forget this.”

He turned his head to see what the man was staring at, and I felt all the emotions I had been trying to suppress, bubble forward as his eyes locked onto mine.

“Tetsu?” He stepped out of the room and then hesitated. Looking between me and the other man.

“I’m sorry Bokuto, I didn’t realize you would have company. Please, next time put a sock on the door and I will go away.”

The other man’s eyes widened and he turned to hit Bokuto’s arm.

“Kou-chan, you idiot! I know why he left you now. You didn’t tell me he thought you were seeing someone else!”

“What?” Bokuto looked confused and glanced over to me.

The man turned back to look at me as well. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Kou-chan. Since the first day of practice you’re all he ever talks about. And then five days ago he comes to practice, crying his eyes out, telling everyone his boyfriend broke up with him.”

Bokuto’s face flushed red. “I didn’t say the word ‘boyfriend’, you ass.”

“I saw you Bo. I saw you in the courtyard with him-“ I nodded my head at the other man, “- You were flirting and laughing-“

“You guys are both hopeless.” The man shook his head and then looked at me. “I’m Oikawa by the way. I already have a boyfriend, and you misunderstood what you saw that day. You guys are idiots, please talk.”

With that, he brushed his hand through his hair and walked away. I looked at Bokuto and he motioned towards our room. I followed him in and we sat on our beds, facing each other.

I saw his throat move and his eyes slid shut.

“Tetsu… I’ve been lying to you… the truth is, I never needed an experimentation. I’ve always only liked men. I even dated Akaashi for a while, back in second year, but we’re better off as friends. I talked about you all the time, and Oikawa found out that I had a crush on you. I told them you were straight and he said that no one is truly straight. He said that he started dating Iwaizumi after they hooked up their first year of high school… I said that thing about ‘experimenting to see if we liked boys’ because I thought you didn’t, and I was trying to get you to like me. I thought maybe sex would pull you in. It was shitty, and I’m sorry.”

“What about that day with Oikawa?”

“I kept wanting to ask you out, but I was too chicken shit. I kept envisioning that you would laugh in my face and leave. Finally Oikawa told me to touch you in little ways and see how you responded. Stuff like running my fingers through your hair and leaning in to talk to you. He told me to practice on him, which I think is the part you saw?”

I nodded slowly, “You wanted to date me?”

“Yeah, I’m so sorry. I should have told you after that first time-“

“It’s okay Bo, I should have told you how I felt too… Why didn’t you call me though? After I left?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I wanted to talk in person, so I could see your face when I asked you to be my boyfriend.”

I smiled at his shy expression. This made me wish I had told him how I felt a lot sooner.

I walked over and pushed against his shoulder to get him to scoot back. When there was enough room I laid down and dragged his sheets over me. He joined a second later and gathered me in his arms. It felt so nice to be held by him, especially when I thought I would never be able to touch him like this again. 

“Hey Tetsu. Next time, I want _you_ to fuck _me_ into the mattress.”

I smiled and buried my face in his chest to hide my blush.

“Shut up, Bo. we’re suppose to be having a moment.”

He laughed and I relished in how truly happy I felt.

I was glad now, that no one gave me advice on how to avoid falling in love with my best friend.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. So this is the first smut I've ever written and I'm posting it as a test run before I post similar scenes in a series I'm working on. I hope you guys liked it, I'm sorry if it was bad.


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